Moon Dreams
by Kitt Chaos
Summary: I see the moon and the moon sees me. I dream of the moon, does he dream of me? Touya fell in love with Yue and Yukito at first sight... it's just not when everyone assumed it happened. A Yukito origin story. WARNING, there are series SPOILERS.
1. Chapter 1

Card Captor Sakura, and all its characters, are the legal and intellectual property of CLAMP and any entities they have granted legal rights to. I claim no rights at all with my story. I greatly admire CLAMP's creativity and skill.

--- SPOILER WARNING ---

This story is based on the uncut version of the anime, with some of the information from the manga, too. Please be aware that this story contains the major spoilers for the series. Read further at your own risk if you wish to avoid spoilers.

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For Gus -- For seventeen years you were my steadfast, feline companion; giving me far more trust and love than I could ever deserve. I hope that, like Clow in my story, you found more than can be imagined beyond death's door. Maybe someday my life will be enriched by your presence, again. Rest in peace, my beloved. I miss you. I love you. Knowing you are gone is tearing my heart apart.

**Prologue -- New Moon**

It is confirmed. The threads of my plan fall apart, the magnificent tapestry unraveling before my future-seeing eyes. I would laugh, but the sorrow and pain revealed in this unraveling don't allow the irony of the reason to induce that in me.

So much pain, and to those I would leave only the best of what I can give -- of what I am... From this benign, twilight watching beyond life, I had hoped to confirm my plan would settle into the inevitable that cannot be avoided, but it is not so. If I reach into the world again to adjust my plan after my passing, I render that part of it, the reason for it in the first place, ludicrous, but the pain...

My Cards, Kerberos, Yue, the sons of my now-twinned soul, the poor child I groomed for destiny's attention... All of these, and more, will suffer if I do not reach forward now and act. But, if I do that, I won't fade away, and I will never be able to rid myself of this awful power; I will suffer for all eternity, being the most powerful, in all the world...

**Chapter One -- Waxing Moon**

A swirl of feathers and moonlight dances in the dark basement. Huddled sorrowfully in their wake, he is curled in on himself in grief. It pains my heart to see him like this; I had delighted in seeing him floating on the white feathered wings I'd crafted for him with my hands and my magic. In the darkness, his very presence creates moon glow. With a father's love, with a father's heart, I reach out and touch the tear trapped in the lashes of his closed eyes.

My touch breaks his slumber. With a sob he stands, curling his wings around himself is a protective self-hug.

"Clow!"

The name, uttered in a harsh whisper, rends the air. He does not yet notice me -- him -- us, only seeing the vessel that has been borrowed, if that, for his attention seems to be focused inward, as if he can only see his own pain and memories.

"Why can't I sleep? Why can't I escape this sadness, living in a world without Clow Reed? I just want to die, knowing that he is gone..."

"Dead, yes, but gone -- not quite," I say aloud.

"CLOW!"

"No -- merely a last touch of his magic, I think. A task befalls you, Yue, a task Clow had not anticipated when he thought to spare you what he could of the pain of losing him. I am truly sorry to break your slumber, but the need is great."

"No. I just want to -- sleep, and forget -- I don't want to know this world. I don't want to live here, anymore. There is nothing for me in a world without Clow!" Yue protests.

I speak to him as if Clow is a third person, seeking to spare him the pain of having to say good-bye again. I seek to spare myself the same pain. It hurts me to see him in distress; to know that I caused such distress in him. If I let myself dwell on it too long, the course of action I'm resolved to take, which renders the reason for either of us to have felt such pain and loss useless, my will might falter, and spread the pain to even more people. I cup his cheek with a gentle hand. Kerberos might never see in Yue what shines in him so clearly for me to see; perhaps no one but me will ever realize that it's there; but Yue has the gentlest heart. He hides it well, but of the two of them, for as loving and sensitive as Kerberos is, Yue is the more sensitive. As much as I delight in having created a being so contrarily prickly, yet gentle, I wonder if my selfishness might have doomed Yue to a life of loneliness, an uncompleted love searching always for an understanding that no longer exists in this world.

The tenderness I feel is magnified by the fact that I am borrowing another's heart to feel it. The tendency toward feeling the most nurturing and protective touch of love is so much stronger in him than it ever was in me. Where I would simply override Yue's feelings and wishes, in my need to have him do what I say, this one is far more understanding, gentle and accommodating. Though he, himself, slumbers under my influence, his way of doing things floats softly through my mind.

A way presents itself. A way for Yue to help prevent the future I wove for him, Kerberos, my cards, and my heir, to unravel any further; yet still a way for Yue to hold onto the comfort he needs until he is able to bear my absence without collapsing into grief. In fact...

I peer closer into the brightening future. This way makes it easier for him to accept what must be accepted. It is harder, both on him and on my little heir to do things this way, but the bond of love shimmering between them before my gaze -- of the future that is becoming more and more certain as I ponder this possibility -- should help both of them through.

"Very well, then. Sleep you shall, Yue, my Moon Guardian. You shall sleep in dreams untroubled by memories of the one you love so deeply, who has passed on. Your dreams shall be brighter, happier and lighter things, delighting your heart -- indeed, delighting everyone around you. Come."

I open my arms and permit my spirit to overflow the one serving as my vessel. Unmasked, Yue recognizes me fully and with a soft cry throws himself into my arms. Truly, he loves me deeply, even now, to behave in a such a way, uncaring of his usual sense of dignity. As once before, I embrace him close to me, touching the threads of his spirit with my magic to change him. Unlike before, I'm not simply rendering him into his symbol form to sleep upon my book until the time for his role in the Final Judgement arrives.

The father's heart I dwell in guides me in my task. Who better to know what will be needed? Yue must remain near my little heir, since Kerberos will not be able to guard her properly until the time of the Final Judgement. With all the chaos that she must encounter, and the danger in some of the unbound Cards, she will need to be protected.

I smile and know that a touch of mischief dances in my smile. What better way to open my proud Moon Guardian's heart than to force this 'other self' to be by her side and protect her? It will be difficult for him to resolve having two hearts and two natures -- at least until he gives in and admits that he really possesses only a single heart and a single nature, that is. What better way to show my Moon Guardian the true nature of his own spirit, and his own capacity to love, than to force him in this way to express -- and face -- both?

Yue wants to sleep. He says that he wants to forget, and that he doesn't want to live in this world without Clow Reed. Very well. Yue will sleep. Yue will not remember, while he sleeps, anything about Clow Reed, or anything that Clow touched. Yue will forget his very self while he sleeps, for he, himself, is a working of Clow's.

But...

My arms are full of moonlight. I touch the inchoate moonlight with my magic, shaping it, reforming it, still in a human shape, again into a human form, but...

He's still my creation. He's still, in a way, my son, one of the two 'sons' that are the only ones 'Clow Reed' will ever have. What better way to show Yue all the depth he has than to magnify those things he thinks he doesn't possess in this false form I'm crafting for him? All the supreme skill I gave to Yue shall be in this one, untouched, but...

Where Yue is defensive, fiercely hiding and denying his softer aspect, this one will be open and actively express his softness. Even Yue will have to see that his own best strength derives from his ultimately gentle nature. I was so remiss as his 'father', not being able to show him these truths about himself before passing on.

I deeply regret that in order to salvage some of my plan, I have to act again in this world. If all goes well from this point on, Sakura will indeed become my heir, claim my Cards, make them her own, and thus prove that she has surpassed me. With her supreme power, she will be able to do what I could not, cleave my power in two, thus releasing my soul from the burden my power became, and bringing me to rest.

However, as I had to reach back into this world to correct the one flaw in my plan, even if she does all that I have foreseen, I, that is, the complete Clow Reed, existing in the realm beyond that of the living, will not receive the peace and rest I sought to find. By affecting the world of the living again, by interfering and changing fate, after I have passed on, I give up my one sure chance to be free of the onus of my power.

Perhaps, in some future day, I will manage to be reborn into the world, complete with my memory, my power and my burden -- and not reborn as I have already been; half of my soul bearing my memories and power, and the other half bearing my love and urge to care for people and make them happy; but as a complete, undivided soul, as I am now. I will be without any sort of ability to split my power again and undo the continued misery of my existence.

Still, as I watch the coherent moonlight that is one of my greatest magical creations -- Yue -- reform under the new shape I'm giving him with my power, I know there is no chance for me to behave differently. At least, this way, I'm the only one who will suffer. As the moonlight further develops and features start to form, I take up the deck of Cards that is my greatest triumph, and, in the final analysis, my greatest downfall. I thumb through them, looking at the order they are in and knowing that as much as I want to, I can't change it.

Windy is on the top, she is the one whose power will scatter the other Cards. It is as I had foreseen -- indeed as I had planned. I wanted my heir, Sakura, to have one Card that never escaped her, one Card to always rely upon as her friend. Who better than the gentlest and most helpful Card of all? I know that Kerberos, with his great, warm, loving heart will always be at her side as well. I had thought these two would be enough to safeguard her. I had hoped that after she'd found all the Cards, and the time came for her to face her Judgement, Sakura would be able to best Yue's proud heart. I know that part of my plan to act as a failsafe for her in that dangerous moment is already in motion. I had planned that the Final Judgement was to be the worst trial she would face.

I never thought to look beyond the Card she would be destined to keep in the scattering. If I had, I would have realized that Kerberos, no matter how strong his heart, no matter how deep his devotion to his new Mistress, no matter his will, would not be powerful enough to protect her. His aspect cards, the ones Sakura _must _possess in order for Kerberos to fully manifest with all of his power, Firey and Earthy, they won't be recovered until far too late for Kerberos to help her.

Yue's aspect cards, Windy and Watery -- Sakura will never lose the first and is destined to recover the second almost immediately. If not for Yue's distress, if Yue could have been the Appointer and Kerberos the Judge... No, their natures don't allow for that. Kerberos would never be able to muster the harshness to test properly, and Yue -- Yue would never let Sakura know how much he cares for her. Their tasks are as they must be, no matter the hand of fate reaches forward with such caprice to disrupt my plan.

With Yue sleeping until the Judgement, and Kerberos weakened for so long; the order that the Cards scatter in and the order she encounters them again, Sakura could never hope to prevail. If she were to fail...

Misery for her, if not death; sorrow for her father, brother, and the friends destined to meet her from my far away homelands; anguish for my big-hearted Sun Guardian, eternal, forgetful slumber for my grief-stricken Moon Guardian; chaos and confusion for everyone my wild, willful, unbound Cards chance to encounter... The only benefit would be mine. I _would_ find release from the agony of my existence, in the end.

Eventually, my soul, split into two new lives, would come to the end of those new lifespans. My power is intact in one of those halves, but without the power of the Cards also, that power would start to diminish. By the end of a normal lifespan, once that half of my soul came to reside here, beyond the living world, it would be weakened enough to free me.

But, I can't buy my own release with so much misery. I don't want my Cards to fade into useless memory, and as much as I long to dissolve my existence, I admit I don't want my name or my magic to fade into mere memory. Arrogant and prideful, I know; but, I admit there is a core of soft concern under it for all these I set in place to free me, too. Even if my name and place were assured, I think... I think I would still act to save these children from the lifelong heartache facing them if I don't.

It doesn't matter. I cast my lot when I entered this one to wake my Moon Guardian, or most certainly when I decided to change fate, once again.

Dark lashes lift to reveal warm, brown eyes full of soft gentleness and concern. As I'd designed, he has moonlight-pale, skin and dove-grey hair upon which the gleaming of light reminds one of moonlight.

"Uhm...?"

I raise one hand in a familiar, mystic gesture. His marvelous eyes close as he slumps over, pushed into sleep by my power. I catch him before he can fall to the floor and settle him into a nearby chair. Something doesn't quite seem right about his appearance, somehow. It's his face -- it still resembles Yue's too closely. For this to work, even Kerberos needs to be fooled... My usual nervous habit, one that drove Yue crazy, of twirling my spectacles in a circle on the end of their chain leads me to the answer.

I slip a magically conjured pair of glasses onto the boy's sleeping face. There -- that, along with Yue's wish to forget everything, and the magnified gentleness in his nature should be sufficient to hide Yue from Kerberos, even though he will remain in plain sight.

Still regretting that no matter what order I place the Cards in, other than making certain Windy will never abandon Sakura, nothing I do can change this one aspect of fate, I place my Cards one final time back into the book I'd designed for them. I stroke a finger lovingly down the winged lion decorating the front of the book, sensing that Kerberos is sleeping deeply enough to not wake at my action. There is no need for me to confirm Yue's winged moon is absent from the back cover. Yue sleeps -- as he wishes -- forgetting Clow Reed and all the workings of his magic. I place the book back in its spot on the shelf and take one last look around.

Yes, to even the sharpest sight, the basement library is as I had found it -- or it will be once I settle Yue into his new place.

I look down at the boy who conceals my Moon Guardian within himself, and decide what I must do to place him in Sakura's life. There is a vacant house on one side of town. If I place him there, make him self-sufficient, and invent parents -- no, grandparents -- who are always away; with his gentle, helpful nature no one is likely to look too closely at him or check his story. He can go to the high school next to Sakura's grade school and in that way be close to her. Hmm, Sakura has an older brother, about the same age as I made Yue appear to be. Perhaps they should become friends -- to keep Yue even closer to Sakura.

He needs a name, though. If he's called 'Yue' even with all the changes to his appearance and nature, Kerberos will catch on.

"Tsukishiro. Yukito Tsukishiro shall be your name." I gather the sleeping boy in my arms and will us away from the basement library of the Kinomoto house. I'll return to the house after my task with Yue... _Yukito _is completed. I sort of have to. Fujitaka Kinomoto hasn't been aware that he's hosted me this night, not in any lasting way, but if I don't return him to his house and his own bed, he's likely to suspect something.

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Author's notes

I know it's a strange, reflective piece of writing. I've always wondered what happened to Clow Reed. I know the canon has him 'splitting' his soul into the persons of Fujitaka and Eriol, but I think the single will of Clow Reed, that single, indivisible soul, must have continued a sort of existence, somehow, even after his 'death', especially as Yue and Kero didn't witness it.

Next chapter teaser --

Clow's actions, after he possessed Fujitaka, were observed. Does this create a new wrinkle in his already-troubled plan?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two -- Full Moon

Touya waited for many long minutes after the man had picked the strange boy up and left the room. He hadn't been too surprised that the man left without climbing the stair or opening the door. He could sense the highly magical power still swirling around the room. Never before had he ever felt such power, not even those times when his mother manifested before him.

There was a faint touch of that same power in one of the books. Touya wondered that he'd never sensed it before. Perhaps the power had been dormant until the man had wakened it. Touya pulled the book out, but didn't open it. His magical sense told him that it would be futile for him to try. This book was destined to open only for his little sister. He looked at the picture on the front, that of a winged lion and sensed a presence sleeping within the image, somehow.

As he gazed at the book, he caught a sense, almost like a sideways glimpse into the future, of destiny and events swirling around his younger sister. He bristled, there seemed to be danger in some of the events but... He thought he sensed great happiness for her, in the end.

Touya reflected on all he'd seen this past hour. He'd been asleep when a sense of power touched him, and woke him. He was used to that, as he still saw his mother upon occasion, when she came to make certain that he and Sakura were all right. It was the same sort of sense, that of someone reaching back from beyond life to make certain the living were doing well, but Touya didn't recognize the touch. And, unlike when his mother appeared, the manifestation was not before him, but in his father's room.

Touya had pulled back all his magical sense to make certain he was unnoticeable against the background of mystic energy that seemed to permeate the house, and crept to his door. A crack allowed him to watch as his father soundlessly walked through the hall and down the stairs. Touya had followed his father to the basement library, where his father had pulled down the same book Touya now held.

Touya recognized that his father was not himself, and he wasn't merely sleepwalking. It was as if his father had been possessed by a spirit that had passed on. He knew his mother would never do any such thing to his father, so Touya watched, thinking to interrupt if this possessing spirit did anything that might harm his dad.

He didn't have to worry about hiding his magic against the mystic background any longer as his 'father' somehow summoned a beautiful winged being from the book. As a nearly overwhelming magic flooded the house, Touya noticed the large, feathered white wings; long, flowing white hair; and tragically abandoned sorrow in the crystalline blue eyes of the winged man -- that his 'father' addressed as 'Yue'.

Yue called his father, 'Clow Reed'. The being possessing his father reacted to that name, acting as if it were indeed his name. Clow said something to Yue about sleep and dreams, and then...

Suddenly, his father was gone, and a different man stood in his place. Dark hair, a different sort of eyeglasses that what his father wore, and magic so potent it made Touya reel, were the impressions of the man who had taken his father's place. Touya wondered what purpose this Clow Reed had with his father, but he found he also hoped he wouldn't harm Yue, who drew his attention and solicitude in a way Touya didn't understand.

He could barely comprehend it when Clow embraced Yue and turned him into moonlight. Touya could sense Yue changing under Clow's power, until the moonlight finally solidified and only a slight, very ordinary-seeming boy remained. Touya had only a single glimpse of extraordinary, caring, warm, brown eyes before Clow cast the boy into sleep, and placed him in his dad's chair.

If not for the very human nervous action of toying with his spectacles before making a pair of eyeglasses to slip on the sleeping boy's face, Touya would have confronted Clow Reed right then and there about what he was doing, to his father; and to Yue, confining him within this false persona. But...

He sensed sorrow, and loss, in Clow Reed, both of them tinged with a personal concern. He sensed a firmness of purpose, that Clow would do all he had to no matter the cost to himself to make certain that others wouldn't be harmed -- that only he would suffer. And, what scared Touya into inaction the most, one of those 'others' so uppermost in Clow's mind, seemed to be Touya's sister.

A sort of deviousness crept into the intentions that Touya was inadvertently eavesdropping upon. He wondered that he seemed to be so in tune with the Clow Reed that he was sensing these intentions, and that somehow he had escaped Clow's magical notice. Still, 'know your enemy'...

Yue had some role to play in judging Sakura for something, but until that time, Clow wanted Yue to be near her, to guard her from danger as the other one who was supposed to guard her would be unable? That was the gist of what he was sensing. Touya was all for that, resolving to do all he could to watch out for his sister even more closely than he already did. Ah. Clow was going to place Yue in that abandoned house and give him a plausible history as a cover-story. Hmm? Clow wanted Yue to become Touya's friend so he could stay even closer to Sakura? Well, Yue would only manage_ that _if he passes Touya's scrutiny. He didn't care how powerful this Clow Reed was, or what his plans were, no one was going to get near enough to his little sister to _ever_ hurt her!

All of Touya's truculence disappeared with Clow's next words. Much of his worry did, too. He manfully suppressed his laughter until Clow had picked up the sleeping boy, and, in the correct and proper way of all mysterious magicians, disappeared.

"Moon castle?!" Touya laughed again, remembering the name Clow Reed had decided to give Yue under the altered persona of his elaborate magical disguise. Since 'Yue' meant 'moon' in Chinese, and one of the words for 'moon' in Japanese is 'tsuki', 'Tsukishiro' could mean 'moon castle' in Japanese. A play on words, a pun. He wasn't certain why, but that flash of humor somehow made Touya feel as though this Clow Reed didn't intend, ultimately, to harm his sister.

Touya pushed aside his ponderings about the weird occurrences of the night as he shoved the book back into its place with its fellows on the shelf. He climbed the basement stairs, switched off the light, returned to his bedroom and took a place sitting on the floor in his room. He resolved to wait up until Clow Reed returned his father, left off possessing him, and finally left the house. He'd gotten the sense downstairs, that once Clow had installed 'Yukito Tsukishiro' into his new house, he'd return Fujitaka and leave. Touya doubted his father would even know what had happened. His father seemed to be completely blind to mystical things, never even sensing it when his wife would place an angelic kiss upon his lips. Even Sakura, scared as she was of ghosts, could faintly sense when her mother tried to comfort her. And, of course, Touya could still see her, and speak with her.

Ah. That sense of bottomless power, held in check by a single will. Clow Reed had returned. Touya didn't dare move and break the light meditation he hoped would prevent the powerful magician from sensing he was awake, so he waited until he heard a soft footfall in the hallway behind his door and presently, the ebbing of that incredible power.

While he waited for the last of Clow Reed's power to seep slowly away, he found his attention wandering to his memory of the anguished blue eyes of the winged Yue; and the incredibly warm and gentle brown eyes of Yukito, the persona Clow had forced Yue to assume. He thought he understood why the magician would do this. It seemed as if Yue had loved Clow very much, and not come to easy terms with Clow's passing. Yue wanted only to sleep and forget all about his love for Clow; Clow needed Yue to protect Sakura until the time he, Yue, was destined to judge her worthiness for something, and so Clow had created Yukito, an entirely separate persona to both hide Yue, and, according to Yue's own wishes, keep him asleep.

Touya found he approved of it. Devious, sneaky, and ultimately willful of Clow, but...

"So, Yukito is who Yue becomes whenever he's asleep -- his purpose is to hide Yue, keep him asleep, but also to stay near and protect Sakura," Touya realized softly. Touya pondered that for a moment. "So, Yukito's entire life is Yue's dream," he whispered with a sort of wonder.

Touya was incredibly fond of his little sister; though, in the proper way of big brothers, he wasn't about to let her realize that. He knew her strengths, and did his best to push her into developing them, and knew her weaknesses too, doing his best to help her work around them. His methods were often not to his sister's liking, but...

Despite losing her mother so young, Sakura was a happy and balanced girl. Even though she lived in a house dominated by 'the male influence' of her father and brother, she hadn't become a frightened, withdrawn thing; a helpless, simpering coward; or a calloused, incorrigible tomboy. Touya called her a monster all the time, but he knew she wasn't. She was sunny, she was cheerful, she was a bit dim sometimes, and easily frightened, but...

"Yue is going to have fun, frustrating, but ultimately pleasant dreams, if my sister is to be part of them."

Touya thought that might be the best possible thing. The tragic, frightened, sorrowful expression on Yue's face had touched him. He wondered what expression Yue would wear once Sakura's love, for that was her greatest gift, the ability to love anyone, touched him. A sorrowing heart broken by love, in the weirdest paradox of all, could be healed by love.

Touya realized this fact as he finally unfolded his long limbs from his place sitting on the floor, stretched to ease a kink out of his back, and climbed into bed.

_"Why am I thinking so much about the power of love, all of a sudden?"_ Touya wondered. Maybe it was the eyes. Blue or brown he wasn't certain which ones he liked better. Clow Reed wanted 'Yukito' to get to know him and become his friend, so as to make certain Yue stay close to Sakura. Hmmm. Touya resolved to seek out Yukito when school started so he make sure Yue wouldn't harm his sister.

And, to see if he could figure out which color of eyes he liked better.

Although, he wondered if ultimately that mattered at all.

* * *

Next chapter teaser --

From the troubling existence beyond death that Clow finds himself in, he looks again into the future of those destined to be touched by his Cards. Has he done enough, by creating Yukito, to salvage his plan?


	3. Chapter 3

**Epilogue I --- Waning Moon**

Clow peered into the world of the living again to see if his last-ditch adjustment to his master plan would work as he intended. Oddly enough, grey areas of uncertainty swirled about his plan more than ever before, but the black despair of certain, utter defeat and the grinding agony of sorrow appeared to have dissipated.

"This should work -- Yukito should fall in love with Sakura, and show Yue that he, too, can love someone other than me. If Yukito does love her, his existence will continue because she can sustain him with her love, and, once she is old enough, he can wed Sakura and stay by her side throughout her life. Why is my plan not unfolding the way I expect?"

"The one force magic can't measure, the one force against which magic cannot contend -- love -- deems otherwise."

"Who...?! What...?!"

Clow watched in amazement, something he had all but forgotten he could feel, as a being materialized before him. Great power seemed to emanate from this being, a man dressed in ornate, vaguely oriental robes and wearing a pair of giant red feathered wings -- wings that, except for their color, reminded Clow of Yue's wings.

"Who are you?"

"Surely you recognize me, Clow Reed. Your magic combines elements of my tradition of magic with that of your western heritage."

Clow blinked in dumbfounded uncertainty, another nearly-forgotten feeling. Heritage? He had grown up in England, and learned the western magic of his father, ultimately combining it in a new and remarkable way with the eastern magic of his mother's people...

He looked at the 'man' again. Red wings, bottomless power, a calm nature overlaying a wildness Clow could sense deep within...

"Su-Suzaku?"

Suzaku, the phoenix, god of the South in the eastern heritage he'd received from his mother, inclined his head politely.

"The same. I've been watching you, Clow Reed. Many of us have. Some were not certain what you would do, when you were confronted with the dilemma. Would you abuse the power you have and force your will in the world you left behind? Would you abandon those whose fates you altered once your plan went awry? Or would you somehow reach back, try to adapt your plan to this changed situation and try to encourage it to work out right?"

"Did I? Is that what I did? I tried... I tried to make it work out well for everyone -- in the end. Even though I..."

Suzaku pinned him with the unnerving, unblinking gaze of a bird of prey. "You?"

"If I had not acted once I realized that Sakura would be in grave danger, and everyone would suffer from my oversight, as Kerberos will not be powerful enough to protect her until near the very end, my soul, this -- awareness, this --" Clow spread his hands out in a helpless, encompassing gesture. "-- existence would have dissipated, wouldn't it?"

Suzaku inclined his head in a gesture that could be agreement, or could be taken as a prod to go on.

"That is all I wanted -- to not be the most powerful magician in the world any longer. I thought to split my soul, encourage Sakura to claim my magic, and surpass it, and thus enable her to become powerful enough to split my power as my soul had already been split. I thought that I, this awareness that I have here beyond the world, would reassure itself that all was working out well, and simply -- disappear." Clow's shoulders slumped. "But I can tell, by entering the world again to act as I did, I can no longer simply disappear."

Suzaku stepped closer and placed a hand upon Clow's cheek. Only at that gentle touch did Clow realize tears had spilled from his eyes. "Your power has been a burden to you. A blessing, at first; finally a curse -- an enemy for you to vie against. But just as your moon child doesn't realize his own heart and his own nature, which you see clearly enough, so too you don't realize the ultimate nature of your own heart, and your own power. You're an idiot."

The insult was issued with the same light, friendly tone as the rest of Suzaku's explanation, so it took a moment to register.

"What?"

"Yes, an idiot. But, a delightfully well-meaning one, so I'll help you."

"What?" Clow repeated again.

"Think." Suzaku tapped Clow's forehead with his index finger twice. "You combined two dissimilar magic traditions in a way they'd never been combined before, and somehow made it work. With that magic you honed your gift of future-sight, you coaxed elemental spirits to do the bidding of anyone strong enough to use the Lasen Board you created. Your greatest work is the Clow and the Guardians whose existence is tied to the Cards. Now, my gifted fool, what is the common thread running through all of these?"

Common thread? What tied everything he did togeth...

"Crafting. Making. Creation." Clow realized.

"Exactly. Creation. I'm not going to say it would have been impossible for you to destroy yourself through your magic, but you went about it all wrong. Body and soul combined, then split asunder with the over-abundance of power you possessed. What you did was an act of creation, not destruction. It it how you passed through to here intact, and not as a mindless spirit of pure good or pure evil. Despite your best intentions, you didn't die, Clow Reed. You transcended."

"Oh, damn." Clow blinked up at the god in dismay and wondered what elaborate steps he was going to have to take to unmake his existence, now. He felt like cursing more when the familiar sense of creative curiosity that had been his greatest delight, and ultimately the instrument of his downfall, flowed over his soul.


	4. Chapter 4

**Epi-prologue II -- New Moon**

_"Despite your best intentions, you didn't die, Clow Reed. You transcended."_

_"Oh, damn."_

"Come now. Surely you don't believe that one such as you, one who was such a creator in life, could achieve anything by an act of destruction?"

Clow let the despair of his existence, knowing everything that would happen, no matter how trivial, to the most minute detail wash over him. Transcended. Even more powerful, now. And, with no way to try to escape the tragedy, now.

"Are you done feeling sorry for yourself?" Suzaku asked. The words were harsh, but the tone wasn't. "It is hard to get used to. The ones who learn to see the world and themselves clearly survive here, the ones who don't -- well, it's not pretty. Now is the time for you to start looking at yourself clearly. With how strong your creative drive is, it's no wonder you made such a mess of trying to annihilate your spirit to escape your torment. But, before you sink too deep into the despair that stripped the happiness from your life, I have a few things to tell you."

Clow merely looked at the phoenix-god in bemusement.

"You aren't the most powerful in the world, anymore. You aren't in the world, and, I am far more powerful than you."

"Semantics," Clow spat out. "It's not so simple. Especially now, if I have really 'transcended' as you say, I've become even more powerful. What am I now? I'm not merely a magician, any longer. Look at what I did with this new power already... Possessing Fujitaka to change Yue... What am I? Some sort of god?"

Suzaku smiled at Clow's outburst. The magician angry was better than despairing. He could work with anger. "No, not a god. Not even a godling. Maybe a pre-godling. Yes, a little pre-godling, just taking the first baby steps of power..."

"I don't _want_ any more power! Power is what drove me to despair, before!" Clow exploded.

"Tough. Blame you creator soul. Blame your tender heart. Would you rather that little girl dies, destroyed by one of the Cards you crafted? You, yourself realized that Kerberos won't be powerful enough to protect her -- that's why you decided to enter the world again and transform Yue to be her protector as well. I can take that action back for you, if you wish. My power is not bound by time."

Clow's heart, or whatever passed for it in this spiritual plain, thudded painfully within him. He didn't want to be the most powerful...

"No. I don't want Sakura hurt, other than the hurt she has to sustain to become stronger than me. It is in motion now -- Eriol will suffer as I did unless Sakura can outstrip his power and split it. I don't want to meddle with the plan any longer... I don't want Sakura, or Kerberos, or Yue or my Cards to suffer any more than they have to. Leave it be, please."

"An important realization to make. Sometimes, despite the power that we have, the best thing is to leave the world be and permit those who are living in it to shape what is to happen. That's why you can't see the future of what happens clearly -- that's why there are grey areas that are blank. Those are for Sakura, and your Guardians, and Cards, and the people around her to fill and solidify. Your ability to see the future clearly, when you are no longer part of it, dims. Is this enough to make your existence bearable, Clow Reed?"

"It will have to be, won't it?" Clow smiled up at the phoenix-god hovering over him like a mother hen.

"I could always destroy you. As I am far stronger than you," Suzaku offered off-handedly.

"I think I'll pass."

"Are you sure? Just let me know, if you ever change your mind."

"You'll be the first to know."

"The second," Suzaku corrected. "That expression has always annoyed me. The person who realizes what needs to be told to another person is the first to know."

"Semantics!" Clow laughed.

"Do you want to take a look at how your new plan is shaping up?" Suzaku offered. "I can show you the variable that is making so much of it appear grey and uncertain to you."

"Please."

It took only a moment for Suzaku to show Clow how he'd been observed after he'd possessed Fujitaka, and by whom.

"Sakura's brother? He saw? He knows?!"

"Touya is very perceptive to matters of the spiritual plane. He knew. And, if you look closely at his heart..."

Clow saw it then. A quickening of something both implacably fierce and infinitely gentle. If Yue, under his guise of Yukito, were ever to hurt Sakura, Touya would make him pay. But, if Yukito, and by extension, Yue, did guard and watch over his little sister, Touya was willing, in a way, eager, to accept the young man, and the being he contained, into his life.

"I see. And, Yukito -- Yue's dream -- is destined to fall in love... I suppose, it doesn't matter to the plan, in the end, who he falls in love with. It's just without Sakura's power I don't think Yue can survive to the end. And, without Sakura's power, there is no way for Yukito to survive at all..."

Suzaku pointed, shifting the vision to view Touya in a different way.

"He's powerful enough to sustain both the dream and the dreamer, don't you think? Love is the one force that always trumps magic, no matter how powerful that magic, or the magician, might be."

Clow nodded slowly. "So that's the power that overmasters mine..." he realized.

Suzaku nodded sharply, once. "'Surely everything will be all right!' Sakura makes it so -- with the power of her love. As her brother has seemingly learned this lesson, too, I'd say the knowledge was in you all along, just brought forward enough to be active when..."

The scene shifted to show Fujitaka Kinomoto, the one who possessed the bulk of Clow's emotions, sleeping peacefully in his bed. This gentle man, the softer aspects of Clow's soul, free of the insidious chaos of his magic, had raised these two children, Touya and Sakura, with enough capacity to love that...

Love.

Love could break his magic.

Something so direct, something so simple...

And he'd never even considered it.

Love.

_"Oh, damn."_ Clow breathed as the realization took root in his soul.

Suzaku laughed. "Oh, it's not that bad -- transcending, that is. You'll get used to it!"

"So, all is right in the world, and..." Clow looked around him. Even as he watched, details and form took place around him. Working his magic in the world again, accepting that oblivion was not yet going to touch him, had opened his perceptions of the place he now inhabited.

"...and endless possibilities unfold around you. Is it enough, Clow Reed?"

Sakura would be protected until her own strength and magic could sustain her. His earthly power, too potent for one to bear was destined to be split. Yue, as Yukito, would protect Sakura; Clow could sense her surprising brother would, too; and Kerberos -- Kero-chan? -- would guide her. He'd be able to watch as this altered plan ran its course to ensure himself that the matters of his life ended well, but he could already sense that they would. Somehow, this sense didn't fill him with his usual sense of despair.

He looked around him. A new reality, a new existence, an entirely new sort of power to learn; his pulse quickened.

-end?-


End file.
